Allow us to break the code on the City Paper’s cover: Nobody felt like cranking out a cover story over Thanksgiving so they farmed it out to poetess/childhood sex abuse survivor/activist Samantha Barrow who gets on her hawg and workshops her way across the U.S. of A. swinging heavy-duty sharp-as-an-axe free verse like Shiva The Destroyer: Why I am grateful for my sexual traumas, particularly the childhood stuff Because I earned every poem / orgasm the hard way stroking with sutures my heart to my cunt loving my body more intimately since she has wrestled me down with […]
HIZZONER ’07: MUMIA Shaping Up To Be Campaign Issue In Mayoral RACE Baiting, According To FOP
The Fraternal Order of Police is already preparing for battle with mayoral candidate U.S. Rep. Chaka Fattah, who has publicly said that Abu-Jamal deserves a new trial. “For that reason alone, we will not endorse this gentleman under any circumstances,” said FOP President Bobby Eddis. “I would go as far as to say we will work against his campaign.” Eddis said the FOP was also upset because Fattah did not support a resolution in the U.S. House earlier this year condemning the French town of Saint-Denis for naming a street after Abu-Jamal. Eddis said Fattah told him he wouldn’t back […]
SCREWDRIVER MAN Joins TOESUCKER In Holiday Pageant Of FEAR, LOATHING & Media-Stoked Hysteria
Screwdriver-wielding man sought in eight holdups Philadelphia police are searching for the man they believe is responsible for eight armed robberies — committed with a screwdriver — in University City this month. All of the victims were college-age women who were approached by a screwdriver-armed man. The robber may also have a dark, four-door Oldsmobile or Buick in the area. The attacks occurred at night, the earliest at 8:10 p.m. and the latest at 6:40 a.m. Seven attacks occurred west of 37th Street and south of Sansom Street. One attack occurred in the 3400 block of Baring Street. Officers have […]
DREXEL Solves The Mysteries Of The Pyramids, AND Not Only That But Their Radio Station ROCKS BALLS!
THE TIMES OF LONDON: Turns Out It Was Masons From Outerspace! DREXEL: Just Kidding! They Used Cement Trucks!
STOP THE PRESSES: Not Yet
HOLCOMB: NO NEWSPAPER STRIKE TONIGHT “We’re not going to finish tonight,” said Local President Henry Holcomb at 9:42 p.m., during a break in negotiations. “We will keep talking as long as we are making progress, and we are.” For that reason, a strike will not be called tonight. Negotiators for both sides will continue talking until the federal mediator sends them home for the night. They will return tomorrow to resume talks. This is not an “extension,” Holcomb said. Even though the contract expires at midnight, it will remain in effect. “We will keep talking and keep making progress,” Holcomb […]
Stop The Presses: HANDICAPPING THE HANDICAPPED or So Fucked I Can’t Believe It
IF THEY SETTLE: The ownership will have expended all goodwill and local-boys-make-good political capital earned from buying the Inky/DN out of Knight-Ridder indentured servitude and now leads a dispirited and mutinous newsroom aboard a creaking wooden ship into the darkening seas of print journalism’s final voyage, hoping against hope that the scout team sent to Online Island returns with news of a place to dock, potable water and low-hanging fruit that can sustain the captain and crew into the sunset of senescence. IF THEY STRIKE: Guild puts out online paper and really gets the hang of this Web content thing […]
REALITY CHECK: Oh,You Mean THAT Gun?
F.B.I. ARREST PHILADELPHIA PHILANTHROPIST EX-CON (CBS 3) PHILADELPHIA Philadelphia Philanthropist Joseph Mammana was arrested at his Bucks Countyjoe2.jpg An F.B.I. arrest affidavit released Thursday states businessman Joseph Mammana, owner of Yardley Farms LLC, was arrested for a firearms violations. The affidavit states, “Mammana knowingly possessed in and affecting interstate and foreign commerce a firearm after previously having been convicted of a crime punishable by more than one year in prison.” Authorities said the F.B.I. searched Mammana’s home in the 600 block of Sedgley Avenue in Yardley, Wednesday, in connection to an I.R.S. investigation, seeking tax and business records. During the […]
THE NEW PANIC: Bicyclin’ BUTT Grabber Passes Torch To Pistol-Packin’ Toe SUCKer In Pageant of Fear
Authorities say attacker has a foot fetish The Center City groper — who authorities now say has a foot fetish — yesterday sent police chasing after fresh leads and women shopping for pepper spray. The man, armed with a black handgun, has robbed and groped five women, age 21 to 55, mostly in the early-morning hours in and near Center City since Nov. 18. In some cases, he has ordered them to remove their shoes so he could touch their toes, authorities said. INQUIRER: No Word Yet From The Mayor About A Shoe Ban
EARLY WORD: Girl, You’ll Be A Woman…SOON!
(Got an event that needs some love? Well, you better have a badass flyer or ain’t nobody goin — no how. Seriously. And send it to feed@phawker.com. Like, early and shit. We’ll let you know if it sux or not. Because, really, you should know.)
ROMAN HOLIDAY: A Citizenry Clawing Each Other’s Eyes Out To Get The Short End Of The Stick Is News?
In ancient Rome, at night, when they were drunk and high, and feeling poorly about themselves, they used to toss bread in the alleys and shoot the rats with machines guns as they scrambled for the crumbs. And then they would feel better about themselves. That, as much as anything else, explains why Rome burned. Today, we shoot them with TV cameras and it makes us here at Phawker Industries feel very Roman. So much so that we burn every time Jim Gardner fiddles. [Hat tip to The Wook]
STOP THE PRESSES: And Fire Up The Internets, There’s A New Paper In Town And You Can’t Read It On The Can
From Sgt. Byko’s Lips To Our Ears: Guild And The Company are in FINAL bargaining meeting, could last an hour, could last 48 hours, but if THE STRIKE comes: Philadelphia Inquirer, Daily News staffers to launch competing online paper if workers strike By Associated Press Wednesday, November 29, 2006 – Updated: 08:14 AM EST PHILADELPHIA – The largest union at Philadelphia’s two biggest daily newspapers is planning to launch\ an online newspaper to compete with the company Web site if workers go on strike after midnight on Thursday. Employees from The Philadelphia Inquirer and Philadelphia Daily News would contribute local […]
The Resurrection Of GREGG FOREMAN?
FROM PITCHFORK: Chan Marshall has recruited Dirty Three’s Jim White, the Jon Spencer Blues Explosion’s Judah Bauer, the Delta 72’s Gregg Foreman, and Lizard Music’s Erik Paparozzi to accompany her on the rest of her tour dates this year, under the appropriate band name of “Dirty Delta Blues”. Four of those dates feature White and Bauer as the opening act and two will be in California for New Year’s celebrations with Gnarls Barkley and the Flaming Lips. PREVIOUSLY: Heroin Is Cool WILL Fuck Your Shit Up [PW]
This Is NOT The New Illumina Video
This IS: BUILD YOUR OWN by Illumina (Appearing Friday At Johnny Brendas)