ARCHAEOLOGY: Diggers Find Awesome Skull Bong Beneath George Washington Presidential Mansion*

Archaeologists excavating the site of the nation’s first presidential mansion have found a trove of 19th-century clay pipe fragments, including one bowl depicting a stereotyped African head [NOT pictured].

The pipe fragments, uncovered earlier this week, probably date from the mid-19th century and are therefore not connected directly with the President’s House, located at Sixth and Market Streets, the archaeologists said.

But the find is of particular interest, they said, because the focus of the excavation is on the house occupied by George Washington, his family and at least nine slaves during the 1790s. John Adams, Washington’s successor, also lived in the house; he was staunchly anti-slavery.

INQUIRER: No Word Yet On First President’s Porn Stash

*Some facts in this headline may have been ‘enhanced’ in the pursuit of satire