Rough Draft Of Karen Handel’s Resignation Letter

February 7, 2012

The Honorable Nancy Brinker

CEO, Susan G. Komen for the Cure VIA EMAIL

5005 LBJ Freeway, Suite 250

Dallas, Texas 75244

Dear Ambassador Brinker:

Susan G. Komen for the Cure has been the recognized leader for more 30 years in the fight against breast cancer here in the US – and increasingly around the world UNTIL I TOTALLY EFFED IT UP WITH MY ANTI-ABORTION ZEALOTRY.

As you know, I have always kept Komen’s mission and the THE GOOD CHRISTIAN women we serve as my highest priority (SECOND ONLY TO MY QUEST TO OVERTURN SETTLED CASE LAW SUCH AS ROE VS. WADE BECAUSE JESUS TOLD ME TO) – as they have been for the entire organization, the Komen Affiliates, our many supporters and donors, and the entire community of breast cancer survivors THAT ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AS THEIR PERSONAL LORD AND SAVIOR. I have carried out my responsibilities faithfully and in line with the Board’s objectives and the direction provided by you and Liz AND JESUS H. CHRIST.

We can all agree that this is a challenging and deeply unsettling situation for all involved in the fight against breast cancer. However, Komen’s decision to change its granting strategy and exit the controversy ME AND MY FELLOW CHRISTIAN ZEALOTS HAVE GINNED UP ABOUT surrounding Planned Parenthood and its grants was fully vetted by every appropriate level within the organization. At the November Board meeting, the Board received a detailed review of MY DEVIOUS SCHEME TO CUT OFF FUNDING FOR PLANNED PARENTHOOD the new model and related criteria. As you will recall, the Board specifically discussed various issues, including the need to protect our mission by ensuring we were not distracted or negatively affected by any other organization’s real or perceived challenges. No objections were made to moving forward. SO WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE RESIGNING?

I am deeply disappointed by the gross mischaracterizations of the strategy, its rationale, and my involvement in it TO LEARN THAT WHEN YOU GO OUTSIDE THE BUBBLE OF FOX NEWS AND SARAH PALIN’S FACEBOOK PAGE NOT EVERYONE THINKS THE WAY I DO. I openly acknowledge my role in the matter and continue to believe our decision was the best one for Komen’s future and the GOOD CHRISTIAN women we serve. However, the decision to update our granting model was made BY GOD SO FIRE HIM before I joined Komen, and the controversy related to Planned Parenthood has long been a concern to the organization. Neither the decision nor the changes themselves were based on anyone’s political beliefs or ideology. (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! SORRY, THAT MADE ME LAUGH WHEN I READ IT OUT LOUD) Rather, both were based on Komen’s PRO-JESUS/ANTI-PRO-CHOICE POOR WOMEN mission and how to better serve GOOD CHRISTIAN women WITH HEALTH INSURANCE, as well as a realization of the need to distance Komen from BOGUS controversy GINNED UP BY REACTIONARY RIGHT WING CRANKS. I believe that Komen, like any other nonprofit organization, has the right and the responsibility to DENY BREAST CANCER SCREENINGS TO PRO-CHOICE WOMEN WITHOUT HEALTH INSURANCE set criteria and highest standards for how and to whom it grants.

What was a CRUEL AND UNUSUAL thoughtful and thoroughly reviewed decision – one that would have indeed enabled Komen to HELP WITH THE ONGOING HOLLOWING OUT OF ROE VS. WADE BY RIGHT WING ZEALOTS deliver even greater community impact – has unfortunately been turned into something about WOMEN’S HEALTH politics. This is entirely untrue — THIS HAS BEEN ABOUT MY WARPED MISINTERPRETATION OF THE TEACHINGS OF JESUS CHRIST ALL ALONG, NOT WOMEN’S HEALTH. This development should sadden us all greatly, ESPECIALLY THOSE OF US, LIKE ME, THAT WILL NOW HAVE TO GET A REAL JOB.

Just as Komen’s best CHRISTIAN interests and the HOLY fight against PRO-CHOICE WOMEN LIVING BELOW THE POVERTY LINE breast cancer have always been foremost in every aspect of my work, so too are these my priorities in coming to the decision to resign effective immediately. While I appreciate your raising a possible severance package WHICH WOULD PROBABLY REQUIRE ME TO KEEP QUIET AND NOT PAINT MYSELF AS A PRO-LIFE MARTYR BURNED AT THE STAKE OF LIBERAL SECULAR HUMANISM, I respectfully decline AND BESIDES THE KOCH BROTHERS HAVE MORE MONEY THAN GOD SO I’LL BE FINE. It is my most sincere hope that Komen is allowed to now refocus its attention and energies on its mission OF DENYING FREE BREAST CANCER SCREENINGS TO PRO-CHOICE WOMEN LIVING BELOW THE POVERTY LINE BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW THAT JESUS WOULD HAVE WANTED IT THAT WAY.

Sincerely,

SELF-RIGHTEOUS SANCTIMONIOUS TO THE BITTER END,

Karen Handel

P.S. GOD HATES FAGS

PREVIOUSLY: The Homo-Hating Church Lady Who Singelhandedly Destroyed The Susan G. Komen For The Cure Brand