BY CHIARA MATRICCINO If it’s true that well-behaved women rarely make history, comedian/cabaret singer/self-described “cunt-rock”-er Bridget Everett is one for the history books. She is large and in charge and refuses to apologize for it. Instead, she owns it. Owns the shit out of it, to be exact. Onstage, she brings new meaning to the saying “shake what your mama gave ya.” Hilarity invariably ensues. Everett grew up in Manhattan, Kansas, where the notion of becoming a celebrated cabaret performer in New York City was but a pipe a dream. And yet, that’s exactly what she’s done. In addition to appearances on Sex & The City and Inside Amy Schumer, not to mention stand-up tours with her gal pal Amy Schumer, she now draws standing room only crowds at Joe’s Pub with a nasty-as-she-wants-to-be cabaret act that the Village Voice described as “Wynona Judd meets Melissa Etheridge, via the local bar floozy, on a rocket ship out of Twin Peaks.” She brings her show to the Black Box at the Prince Music Theater on Saturday. (Go to to our Twitter page to find out how to win a pair of tickets to tomorrow night’s show) Earlier this week I sat down with Everett to talk about the five Bs: Boobs, Beastie Boys, Bette Midler, Barry Manilow and Bonnaroo. Also discussed: What Flea looks like naked, his impeccable taste in socks and her role in the forthcoming Amy Schumer movie.
PHAWKER: So Bridget, what is your back story? What did your parents do? How did you wind up comedy?
BRIDGET EVERETT: Well, my mom is a music teacher. I grew up in a super musical house and I am the youngest of six kids. Basically, the only time we would ever get along was when we were all 
singing and drinking around the piano. So, even when I was little they would slide you a little nip or something. I just decided back then that I wanted to do this one day. You know, music was the only thing I was ever good at and my family is, like, super funny and it just has been a slow, slow combination of happy accidents that I ended up doing this for a living.
PHAWKER: Besides your mom, what musicians and comedians inspired you?
BRIDGET EVERETT: Well, when I was little I loved Bette Midler and Barry Manilow. Then as I got older I loved Freddie Mercury, John Belushi and Richard Pryor. Then I moved to New York and I started meeting drag queens like Kiki and Herb. I just have a broad spectrum of things I appreciate. But I definitely like people who are just, like, a little crazy.
PHAWKER: You own the shit out of your body. You describe your breasts as beaver-tail titties when you perform. Your profile photo on Facebook is you onstage at Bonnaroo straddling the monitors onstage in a very, very short dress like you’re giving birth or taking a shit in the woods. What role did comedy play in your life growing up? Were you the class clown? Was comedy a way of deflecting abuse or criticism about your appearance from others?
BRIDGET EVERETT: Growing up I was popular. I had a lot of friends but really the humor came because there was six kids in my family and everyone was so funny and I was the youngest so nobody took me seriously. The only way to get anybody’s attention was to tell a joke. It was like hanging around a comedy club, sort of. To survive you have to jump in. I don’t really even consider myself a comedian. I consider myself more of a singer. But I guess I happen to be funny because I keep working in comedy.
PHAWKER: You have an incredible voice. I’ve been watching YouTube videos and you’re voice blew me away. So, in the “Boob Song”, you walk through the crowd describing all the different kinds of breasts you see and giving them funny names. What are ‘sling-shot titties’ and what are ‘ugly sweater titties’?
BRIDGET EVERETT: Well, every time I do the song it’s different, it all depends on who’s in the crowd. The ugly sweater titties was when I did Amy Schumer’s thing. She referred to somebody’s ugly sweater so I went by and that was kind-of like to keep a thread. But sling shot titties are when they look like they’ve been pulled out like a sling shot. That song, I wrote it because my mom had breast cancer and it was a way to honor her. She’s fine now, she got a mastectomy. But the last song on the recorded version is just “One Titty” and that’s for my mom. I wrote it at softball practice one day. I was just like singing in the outfield. To me, to go back to the body image thing, I never really understood what’s wrong with a different type of body. So it’s not like a point of the show but I sort of feel like I am on stage now, you’re going to look at me.
PHAWKER: The costumes and the outfits you wear are awesome. Do you have someone design them?
BRIDGET EVERETT: Yeah actually my friend does them. I used to only be able to find clothes at the big girl section at Macy’s. I would get House of Dereon and then my friend Larry who is an artist started making me dresses. He was like ‘Oh I have an idea for you,’ so he started making me dresses. He calls his line the House of Lereon. I only wear his stuff and we have one dress that’s called the ‘Coral Queef,’ we also have The Titty Dress and The Pussy Dress. Everything is like some ridiculous name. He knows how to dress me in a way that’s fun but that sort of embraces everything. He’s the one that makes these plunging neck lines. I just try them on and start laughing and say ‘This is perfect.’
PHAWKER: Have you ever gotten in trouble for something you did on stage? Do you think male comics can get away with things that female comics simply can’t?
BRIDGET EVERETT: It’s a tricky question. Sometimes I feel like when I am on the road or doing a show with a female like Amy or I just did some stuff with Broad City at Bonnaroo, there’s this thing that happens when you have a lot of woman in the audience. They’re just sort of open and ready. But when you do something with a more male-driven audience sometimes I feel like they’re freaked out by me. It takes them, like, 10 minutes to adjust. Which is great if I am doing a set that’s longer than 10 minutes. I think that even beyond male and female, what I am doing is pretty aggressive and it is in your face more than most people. There’s not a lot of people going around the audience and actually physically interacting with people like that. So, I think that gender aside, what I am doing is probably terrifying for a lot of people.
PHAWKER: How do you deal with hecklers? Do you have a go-to line to shut up people up?
BRIDGET EVERETT: I mean I don’t get a lot of hecklers because I think people are scared and they should be. If somebody starts fucking with me I am like ‘Alright, I just want you to know I have the microphone and I am going to ruin your fucking life right fucking now.’ I am usually pretty good about shutting it down. I’m just like, ‘You, shut the fuck up!’
PHAWKER: Ad-Rock from the Beastie Boys has spun records behind you during your act and he was your back-up dancer on a recent appearance on Inside Amy Schumer. He also co-produced your 2013 album, Pound It! How did you come to work with him?
BRIDGET EVERETT: We are on a softball team together and I told him I was starting a band and he was like ‘Well, I’m a professional musician’ and I was like ‘Do you wanna be in my band?’ He’s really changed my life. He’s introduced me to some really cool people. He has encouraged me. I was coming off the field and I said I have this idea ‘You got them something, something titties, put em’ in the air, put em’ up…”. He’s like that sounds like a hit, go home and write it. Where I worked with people in the past who maybe didn’t embrace my sort-of dirty, silly side, he embraces it. So do the other guys in my band. They love it. We really laugh about a lot of stupid shit. So he encouraged me to listen to what my heart was telling me to do. I haven’t always worked with people like that, so it was really cool.
PHAWKER: Do you think the surviving Beastie Boys will come out with anything else?
BRIDGET EVERETT: No, I don’t think so.
PHAWKER: Okay, okay. So Amy Schumer is a friend of yours. She had you on her show and taken you on tour — how crazy does it get when you two have had a few drinks?
BRIDGET EVERETT: It’s funny because our stage personalities are I don’t know. When we are together we are just chillin’ and talking about guys and talking about fun shit to do. We went to New Orleans together for New Years Eve and just went to nice restaurants and hung around and giggled at people and it’s not like it’s as crazy as you’d want it to be.
PHAWKER: So stage persona is totally different than off-stage?
BRIDGET EVERETT: I am much shyer in real life. She’s still pretty full of life. She’s super fun to be around. We like to do a lot of the same things.
PHAWKER: You’ve had Fred Armisen as a special guest during one of your shows.
BRIDGET EVERETT: Well, Fred guested with us in LA at Largo. We have been out there a couple of times. One night Flea came and guested. He played bass on a song. He wore one of the House of Lereon’s things. Larry — who sometimes plays with me, he plays the ukulele — has this little loin cloth and he showed up with it at Largo. I show it to Flea and I was like ‘Hey I brought this, do you want to wear it?’ and he was like ‘Yeah!’ So, Largo is this tiny little club. There was not even a green room or dressing room, we were just, like, in the manager’s office changing. He just drops his pants. He has an amazing body and great socks. So he just had these socks and the little loin-cloth on. So, that is why he is a star.
PHAWKER: So what’s the last joke you heard that made you crack the f*ck up?
BRIDGET EVERETT: Oh, god I can’t even think right now there has been so many. But I will tell you I was leaving the Comedy Cellar, which is a real popular club in New York, I was leaving with Amy and we ran into Dave Attell. We were on the street and he was like ‘What are you guys doing?’ and we were like ‘Oh we are going to New Orleans.” He asked what we were doing there and I said ‘Oh, I’m going to get some dick’ and he said ‘What, are you gonna tattoo female over your pussy?’ I started laughing so hard I wet my pants.
PHAWKER: So, Amy Schumer is coming out with a movie?
BRIDGET EVERETT: Yeah! I am in it! I have a really small part. We shot it this week. Judd Apatow is directing it and her boyfriend is played by Bill Hader. I’m married to Meadows. Amy wrote it and it’s a really great script. To me, it’s super funny but has a great heart. They let you improvise a lot on the set and Judd’s just like ‘Yeah, say whatever.’ We couldn’t get through a take without losing our shit every time.
BRIDGET EVERETT PERFORMS @ THE PRINCE MUSIC THEATER SAT. June 28th
WARNING: NSFW