EXIT THE PHAROAH: Mubarak Resignation FAIL

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[Artwork by DonkeyHotey]

NEW YORK TIMES: President Hosni Mubarak of Egypt prepared to address the nation Thursday, with government officials indicating that they expected him to step aside, and Egypt’s military announcing that it is intervening in state affairs in an attempt to stop a three-week old uprising. The military declared on state television that it would take measures “to maintain the homeland and the achievements and the aspirations of the great people of Egypt” and meet the demands of the protesters who have insisted on ending Mr. Mubarak’s 30-year rule. Several government officials said Mr. Mubarak is expected to announce his own resignation and pass authority to his hand-picked vice president, Omar Suleiman. But if the military does assume formal control of the government, it remains uncertain if it would give Mr. Suleiman, a former military officer, a leading role. State television said in a bulletin that Mr. Mubarak would make a statement tonight. MORE

RELATED:  A senior Egyptian official confirms to Fox News that President Hosni Mubarak will step down shortly and transfer authority to the Egyptian Higher Council of the Armed Forces — but Egypt’s information minister tells Reuters that “the president is definitely not going to step down.” The group is comprised of the minister of defense, Field Marshal Hussein Tantawi – who stands atop the military hierarchy – along with the military’s chief of staff, the chief of operations, and commanders of the Army, Navy, Air Force and Air Defenses. Mubarak has left his presidential palace and travelled to the Red Sea resort of Sharm el-Sheikh with his army chief of staff, according to Al Arabiya as reported by Reuters. This report comes as Nile television says that Mubarak recorded his speech Wednesday. A senior member of the Muslim Brotherhood tells Reuters that he believes the Egyptian army was staging a military coup. MORE

UPDATE: Best we can tell from Mubarak’s addled syntax is that NOTHING has changed. He is not stepping down before September and he had NOTHING to do with the people who beat, firebombed and killed protesters, just like Lindsay Lohan had NOTHING to do with that stolen jewelry she returned to the store.

INFO GRAPHIC: Mubarak Non-Resignation Resignation Speech Flow Chart

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