WHAT HAPPENED NEXT: Stranger Than Pulp Fiction, Funnier Than Borat, You Can’t Make This Sh*t Up!

Straight outta the WTF Files of Phawker, the following item from the Inquirer was posted here in April of 2008:

INQUIRER: A 20-year-old Philadelphia man was attacked and forced to put on handcuffs in a room at the upscale Chestnut Hill Hotel, then got free and fought with his assailant down an elevator and into the lobby of the historic inn last night, police said. Akiva Israel, 24, of Middletown, N.J., was arrested after the bizarre incident and is expected to be charged with aggravated assault, false imprisonment and related offenses, police said this morning. The two men have known each other for several months, police said, and met at or went together to the hotel, which is popular with celebrity guests.

In a fourth-floor room at the hotel at 8229 Germantown Ave., the alleged assailant made the younger man put on a pair of handcuffs, police and a witness said. He also attempted to place shackles on the younger man’s legs, police said. Why the two men went to the room was not explained in a preliminary police report.

The victim said he had met the man to see or receive important information, according to hotel guest Kristian Sedano, 22, who is from Miami. In the room, the victim allegedly told Sedano that the older man threatened him with a knife and ordered him to put on handcuffs and meditate.

“Somehow, the victim was able to free himself and fought off his attacker,” said Officer Christine O’Brien. Sedano said the victim told him that he struck his attacker twice in the head with a baseball bat and yelled for help. “I don’t know why there were bats in the room,” Sedano said.

The two men [NOT pictured] fought in an elevator and into the lobby of the hotel, which boasts numerous past celebrity guests including Cuba Gooding Jr., Kate Hudson and Billie Jean King. Sedano was in the lobby and saw the two men struggling on the floor. He said he saw a knife and bat nearby and moved the weapons away from the men. He said he then helped hold down the older man until police arrived.

“Look at the notes! Look at the notes!” the alleged attacker said, Sedano recalled. “Is it the cure for cancer?” the victim replied, with a pair of handcuffs dangling from one wrist, Sedano recalled. Sedano said the victim told him he was able to escape because he faked locking the handcuffs to both wrists. Both men were covered in blood. MORE

Recently, a man claiming to be one of the two men involved in the above incident posted the following in the COMMENTS section:

1. Akiva Israel Says:
   March 19th, 2009 at 4:50 pm e I am Akiva Israel and on March 4, 2009, I was found NOT GUILTY of all charges related to the incident referenced in this article that took place on April 1, 2008 at the Chestnut Hill Hotel.Mike Reid drove me to the Chestnut Hill Hotel. He came into the hotel room of his own free will. He withdrew money from his ATM to pay for his share of the room.The handcuffs and weapons were part of our usual sex play. Mike Reid enjoyed playing the role of slave and being called “Pussy Boy”. He is really into S & M. I would regularly ride him like a pony until he squealed like a pig. On this occasion, he got jealous of a friend I knew and attacked me. He then had ME arrested!!I am pretty pissed as you might expect. I will not let this matter go unaddressed. He will pay for the lies he told when he least expects it.

Followed a few days later by this:

1. Tom Stevens Says:
   March 23rd, 2009 at 3:20 pm e I was Mike Reid’s friend and mentor at the time this incident took place.Mike Reid told me Akiva Israel was found not guilty of all charges. I can also confirm that Mr. Reid told me he drove Akiva Israel to the Chestnut Hill Hotel and that he went into the hotel room voluntarily but that he did so to end his association with Mr. Israel.Mike Reid did not follow my advice to end his relationship with him “on campus” and to do so quickly. He told me he planned to go to the cafe in the hotel but ended up in Akiva Israel’s room learning “meditation techniques” and did so to comply with Mr. Israel’s last requests.Mr. Reid told me the money he took from the ATM was not to pay his share of the room rental but simply because Akiva Israel told him he would be embarassed if he didn’t have money on him. I know! It makes no sense!Mike Reid also told me he was unaware of there being any weapons in the room. I also had no knowledge of whether Mike Reid was into S & M and Mr. Reid has always denied having a sexual relationship with Akiva Israel. However, Mr. Reid did tell me that on numerous occasions during their “study sessions” that Akiva Israel slapped him in the face and that he never told him to stop doing so.Akiva Israel and Mike Reid did spend a lot of time together from January through April 1, 2008. They spoke every day and in conversations that took place for hours in the middle of the night. I am certain that in the course of their intense relationship, Akiva Israel became jealous of my role as a professional and political mentor to Mike Reid and drove a wedge between us.I am no longer Mike Reid’s friend or mentor. Although both sides wanted me to testify at the criminal trial, I did not do so.

Discuss.