BY DAVE ALLEN Like time, news waits for no man. Keeping up with the funny papers has always been an all-day job, even in the pre-Internets era. These days, however, it’s a two-man job. That’s right, these days you need someone to do your reading for you, or risk falling hopelessly behind and, as a result, increasing your chances of dying lonely and somewhat bitter. That’s why every week, PAPERBOY does your alt-weekly reading for you. We pore over those time-consuming cover stories and give you the takeaway, suss out the cover art, warn you off the ink-wasters and steer you towards the gooey center. Why? Because we love you!
ON THE COVER
PW: Throw up the digital horns for Brian McManus’ cover story on Philly’s music blogs. Rather than hashing out who knew what when about some flavor-of-the-month band, BMc provides a simply-stated rundown of the different styles and voices currently helping to build buzz and rep local talent. He also sets up a nice frame based on “The Paradox of Choice,” because millions now living will never figure out what the hell they ought to listen to. Pride of place is given toXPN’s Bruce Warren because, well, he’s been at it a while and he’s damned good. But there’s still room for newcomers, like Emily Travis’ The Broken Bell.
There isn’t much that comes through town that doesn’t make its way onto thebrokenbell.com’s show list, a 
comprehensive and easy-to-use snapshot of what bands you can bathe in for up to the next 30 days. Writer Emily Travis got her start writing The Washington Post’s local music blog before moving to Philadelphia. The Broken Bell will make you happy we have her…
Day job?: “I’m still looking for a day job. I recently graduated college, but there doesn’t seem to be much demand for a music major in this job market.”
Day job? I’ve got two more exciting, much more costly words for you: Grad school. Take the plunge! Seriously, though, keep up the great work and don’t let that music degree go to waste.
CP: It looks like PA’s gonna stay in the blue-state column, so why are we turning purple holding our breath? Less than a week to go, and the polls aren’t easing our paranoia. In the intro to the Election Issue, Doron Taussig cuts through the hand-wringing and gives it to us straight.
…intellectually, it’s clear that the good guy is winning. Which might be why the predominant emotion I’m associating with the election now is fear. Because without the nail-biting tension of the last two elections, the only concern left to occupy my mind is this paranoia I’ve developed that a progressive can’t win the presidency, because this country can’t get over the racial/cultural/too-proud-to-change-course psychosis that has defined it for my adult political life.
I, too, came of age under George the Second (a third of my life with this man as president? Jesus H.) but my spirit isn’t broken. I still think Senator Obama can make good on this promise. Tempering Taussig’s smart but cautionary note are humorous cartoons depicting bad-luck charms and a grumbling but gracious concession speech from Johnny Mack himself. Fingers will be crossed on Tuesday night, no question, but take heart: they will give way to spirited fist-pumps and hearty cheers, not unlike another recent celebration.
INSIDE THE BOOK
PW: Tara Murtha, you owe me the cost of dry-cleaning one pair of shat pants. Christopher Buckley: hilarious AND heretical. I’ll take fistfuls of candy over Sunday brunch anytime. Pub & Kitchen: totally bitchin’
CP: The rest of the electoral slate: Don’t you dare split that ticket! Getting all hot, bothered and goth over Elvira. Finally, a punch out to rival Mike Tyson’s NES game. Getting painted by Peter Saul is the kiss of death: George Dubya, O.J…. who’s next? Please say Palin.
WINNER: Chalk this one up for PW, because Paperboy, like an elephant, never forgets. “Rays in six”? How do those words taste, Mr. Beale?