BRITNEY’S VAGINA MONOLOGUES: Fanning The Flames of FIREcrotches Everywhere, Phawker Contributors Offer Gender And Generational Perspectives On Celebrity Pussy Galore

BRITNEY SPEARS, PLEASE PUT AWAY YOUR VAGINA BY MOTHER PHAWKER What I’m trying to tell you, dear Brit, is that you can hang out with Paris and Lindsay and Nicole or whichever tarts you choose, but YOU ARE NOT LIKE THEM. Not by virtue of talent, or beauty, or wealth, or skinniness. No, Mrs. Federline, when you gave birth to your two sons, you became unlike women who don’t have children. Hang out with your single, childless girlfriends all you want. Go out and party — you’ve been in the house changing diapers for two years, you’ve earned it. But […]

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Cover Wars: Whose Artfag Kung-Fu Is Stronger?

Allow us to break the code on the City Paper’s cover: Nobody felt like cranking out a cover story over Thanksgiving so they farmed it out to poetess/childhood sex abuse survivor/activist Samantha Barrow who gets on her hawg and workshops her way across the U.S. of A. swinging heavy-duty sharp-as-an-axe free verse like Shiva The Destroyer:     Why I am grateful for my sexual traumas, particularly the childhood stuff Because I earned every poem / orgasm the hard way stroking with sutures my heart to my cunt loving my body more intimately since she has wrestled me down with […]

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STOP THE PRESSES: Let The Measuring of The Circumference Of Each Side’s Sack Commence

THIS JUST IN FROM SGT. BYKO: CWA BOARD APPROVES GUILD STRIKE AS BARGAINING CONTINUES The Communications Workers of America executive board has authorized International President Larry Cohen to call a strike at The Inquirer and Daily News if the local bargaining committee believes talks have broken down and there is no alternative. Local President Henry J. Holcomb was informed of the our parent union?s decision by James J. Short, CWA district vice president for Pennsylvania (District 13), and Linda K. Foley, the Guild’s international president. Holcomb received the news at a meeting in Short’s Center City office with Foley participating […]

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NPR FOR THE DEAF: We Hear It Even When You Can’t

FRESH AIR ON WHYY Actor John C. Reilly co-stars in the hit film Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby with Will Ferrell, which will soon be released on video. Probably best known for his association with writer/director Paul Thomas Anderson in the films Hard 8, Boogie Nights and Magnolia, Reilly got his start with the Chicago-based drama troupe The Steppenwolf Theatre. His other films include The Perfect Storm, Dolores Claiborne, The Thin Red Line, Chicago and The Aviator. This interview originally aired on Aug. 7, 2006.

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JADED FUCKIN’ INDIE GUY: How I Learned To Love The ’80s And Still Thank God That They Are OVER

OF MONTREAL: Hissing Fauna, Are You the Destroyer? (Polyvinyl) ED KING REPORTS: I’m going to be a bigger man and put aside my distaste for album titles like Hissing Fauna, Are You the Destroyer — Let’s talk about the music. Every time I find myself looking back with more fondness than I’d ever thought I could muster on the last days of disco, the final hits by ELO, and the early days of synth-pop, something like this new Of Montreal album hits my radar. The album opens with the bracing vocals, phased guitar, and index-finger synth lines of “Suffer for […]

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HIZZONER ’07: MUMIA Shaping Up To Be Campaign Issue In Mayoral RACE Baiting, According To FOP

The Fraternal Order of Police is already preparing for battle with mayoral candidate U.S. Rep. Chaka Fattah, who has publicly said that Abu-Jamal deserves a new trial. “For that reason alone, we will not endorse this gentleman under any circumstances,” said FOP President Bobby Eddis. “I would go as far as to say we will work against his campaign.” Eddis said the FOP was also upset because Fattah did not support a resolution in the U.S. House earlier this year condemning the French town of Saint-Denis for naming a street after Abu-Jamal. Eddis said Fattah told him he wouldn’t back […]

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SCREWDRIVER MAN Joins TOESUCKER In Holiday Pageant Of FEAR, LOATHING & Media-Stoked Hysteria

Screwdriver-wielding man sought in eight holdups Philadelphia police are searching for the man they believe is responsible for eight armed robberies — committed with a screwdriver — in University City this month. All of the victims were college-age women who were approached by a screwdriver-armed man. The robber may also have a dark, four-door Oldsmobile or Buick in the area. The attacks occurred at night, the earliest at 8:10 p.m. and the latest at 6:40 a.m. Seven attacks occurred west of 37th Street and south of Sansom Street. One attack occurred in the 3400 block of Baring Street. Officers have […]

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