ILLEBRITY: Our New 215 Hippity-Hop Column, HOLLA!

THE WOOK REPORTS: There’s nothing more talked up in the 19147 than the fact that after the news cycle moves beyond ’06’s murder rate come January, the tale of woe that is the city’s condo market glut is gonna blow up bigger than J-Hova‘s eagerly anticipated long-player. For the record, the Mayor‘s hit squad best get on this potential crimp — our city’s status as an up-and-comer with the seriously well-invested may just be on the line, my people’s people!!! Now not that I’m qualified to be the Mayor’s chief of staff or nothing, but if I was one Joyce Wilkerson, I’d mobilize on what’s sure to be a sizably lucrative marketbase to help fill all this space the likes of Trump and such are erecting about town. You got it, I’m talking former hip-hop megastars in the process of downsizing both their careers and finances. In today’s marketplace, even Dark Man X can’t afford to maintain in Harlem — HARLEM?!? From AllHip-Hop:

DMX‘s [Harlem brownstone] has remained empty and desolate, the rapper said, because it is technically a rooming house, which means it is protected by city rules and cannot be rented out as individual apartments. The rapper said he paid $300,000 to a contractor, who is allegedly no longer in business, to obtain a new certificate of occupancy but the work was never completed. In 2002, a building inspector issued a stop-work order because construction was being done without a permit. DMX was fined $2,500 when he did not show up for a hearing regarding the construction. He was later sued for $210,000 by an electrician who fell off a ladder while working on a light over the front door. While the home remained vacant, a pipe burst during the winter of 2003, flooding the home and causing considerable damage. The Worker’s Compensation Board later put a $30,000 lien on the home and the IRS placed an additional $370,459 lien on DMX’s property due to unpaid taxes, according to city records.

If this isn’t an advert in the making for the forces promulgating the NY-to-Philly migration route, then get at me dawg! I’d say nothing would be finer than an influx of New York-based hip-hoppers along Rittenhouse Square, where 1.5 million could get DMX some prime views and easy strolls to the ever-gluttonous lounge scene that borders our Frenchiest Quarter. Or perhaps Q-Tip would dig an entire floor at Symphony House, where he could gaze down at hundreds of vivrant things on a daily basis. Hey, I ain’t forgotten the “original gangster”. I suggest that long-gestating LAW & ORDER spinoff for Ice T, where Detective Tutuola migrates to the City of Brotherly Love, with its aggravated murder rate and affordable cribs at Waterfront Square. And somewhere in Fishtown, Mr. Lif sighs.

ALL HIP-HOP: Philly, NOT Just For Blunts Anymore