Jesus Chrysler! It seems like every week we’re having some kind of pissing contest with one of the city’s esteemed alt-weeklies. First it was the City Paper and this week it was a brand new hot mess from PW. Fear not dear reader, we vow not to back down from these piss-crossed sword fights until the other guy runs outta ammo. We drink water ALL DAY LONG. We could go for days, if need pee be. We also vow to compartamentalize said piss-matches and remain objective because we are THE DECIDER in this Cover Wars thing we started and it’s one of the few things in this life we take seriously, because after all, with great power comes great responsibility. Let’s see, this week PW is rockin’ the EXIT THE PACHYDERM cover, a visual play on the election results while riffing locally on the Philadelphia Zoo’s plan to let their elephants run free in the streets of Northern Liberties because, hey, they need more room. We get it. CP, on the other hand, goes with a clever neglected-kid-in-mom’s-rearview-mirror while the road to child-free happiness stretches out ahead like a trail of empty 40s. Kudos all around for incorporating a LOT of exposition in these visual cues and both covers do pop, however, if we can just reach behind…hang on, this takes a minute sometimes…and pat ourselves on the back, because…
THE WINNER IS: USA! USA! USA!