COMEDY CENTRAL: As Barack Obama prepares to take office in less than two weeks — still seems like an eternity, doesn’t it? — There’s been a lot of talk about how he’ll spend, and what he’ll achieve, during his first 100 days in office. Even though he’s warned against expecting miracles during that time period and has tried in vain to consider instead his first 1,000 days in office (yeah, right), the speculation does not end. Mad Magazine has a different question: What will Barack Obama achieve during his first 100 minutes in office? In an exclusive timetable that they’ve been kind enough to exclusively share with us exclusively, they break that initial hour and forty minutes down. Here’s a sampling of their findings…
Minutes 1-2: Round up Michelle and kids, give finger to Bush and Cheney, head to Oval Office
Minute 3: Remove stupid flag pin from lapel
Minutes 10-13: Sneak out to Rose Garden for a quick smoke
Minute 25: Go on Facebook; put out a friend request to Ahmadinejad (with no preconditions)
Minute 26: Remind Biden to “shut his f*#king cakehole”
Minutes 45-48: Sneak out to Rose Garden for a quick smoke
Minutes 65-67: Delete “private” Scarlett Johansson photos before surrendering Blackberry to Secret Service
Minutes 91-99: Do a little blow MORE
JOYSTIQ: When Barack Obama takes office on January 20th, he’ll not only be the most powerful man in the world, but also the most powerful gamer. (Nintendo did give outgoing President Bush a DS and Brain Age some years ago; it’s up to you to decide if he ever played it.) The New York Times reports that the President elect — who even took his campaign to the streets of Burnout Paradise — gifted his daughters, Sasha and Malia, with a Nintendo Wii for Christmas … but the head of the First Family has been playing with it, too. Apparently, Obama has been working on his bowling skills by playing Wii Sports. The President-in-waiting bowled a lowly 37 in the real-life sport while on the campaign trail, but tells the paper that he “performs better in the video game.” MORE
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NEW YORK TIMES: The Illinois House of Representatives voted overwhelmingly to 
impeach Gov. Rod R. Blagojevich on Friday morning on the grounds of abuse of power as the state’s chief executive. He is the first governor in Illinois’s history to be impeached, and his case now goes to the state Senate for trial. The House deliberated less than an hour and a half before voting 114 to 1 to oust the governor, just one day after a 21-member House investigative committee unanimously recommended impeachment. The last governor to be impeached was Evan Mecham of Arizona, who was removed from office in 1988 after serving 15 months. Mr. Blagojevich, 52, was jogging in his Chicago neighborhood when the vote came down. He has scheduled a press conference this afternoon. MORE