Click here to view the video on YouTube.

A.P. cracks wise about hospital infections, the Feds gunning to put Fumo in an iron maiden, and Larry Platt’s testicles. Plus sports: Phils suckage, Vick’s ” ‘All White’ birthday party shooting, and Tiger to take on 18 local holes. Only watch if you like to laugh.

INQUIRER: Officers from the Pennsylvania SPCA Sunday uncovered a dog-fighting ring at an East Germantown home and rescued several badly injured pit bulls found there. Following a tip to an animal cruelty hotline, the officers discovered two dead dogs and five others at the home, in the 200 block of East Bringhurst Street. Three men, including the property owner and the alleged ringleader, are facing charges. The bust comes in the wake of the Philadelphia Eagles’ signing of quarterback Michael Vick, the country’s best-known former dog-fighter. Vick, who served 18 months in federal prison for running a dog-fighting operation, has pledged to speak out on the issue, casting a spotlight on the problem of dog-fighting in the city. Monday, the Eagles plan to host a summit of area animal welfare groups at the NovaCare complex, the team’s South Philadelphia training facility. Vick is not expected to attend. MORE

RELATED: Almost a week after the Eagles announced they had signed America’s best known convicted dog fighter, a Philadelphia man learned he will get prison time for dog fighting.

PREVIOUSLY: ROAD TO REDEMPTION: We’ve Only Just Begun

PREVIOUSLY: LET THE DOGS OUT: Eagles Sign Michael Vick

PHAWKER: For obvious reasons, we have been thinking a lot about Michael Vick as of late. We have been thinking about the doggie Auschwitz he ran for six years for fun and for profit and about how it cost him everything: his career, his seven figure net worth, his freedom and, in some corners, his membership in the human race. We have also been thinking that this is what happens when you take a man out of the ‘hood but you don’t take the ‘hood out of the man. And while that may explain Vick’s crimes, it does not excuse them.

And we have also been thinking about crime and punishment and the notion of redemption — not just rehabilitating a toxic public image with the help of high-priced P.R. gurus but REAL you-just-might-get-into-heaven redemption — about what it takes to earn it and who bestows it upon you, and we have been thinking about how fascinating it will be to watch this play out in our front yard and how this city has been put in the curious position of being the first jury he will face in the court of public opinion. As of late we have even been thinking that Michael Vick deserves a second chance, that he was spanked and spanked hard, that he has paid his debt to society and he should be afforded the opportunity to redeem himself.

But after watching his appearance tonight on 60 Minutes, we came away with the distinct impression that Michael Vick still doesn’t really understand why what he did was so wrong. He understands that he got busted, that he lost all his money, that jail really sucks, that everybody, except maybe his mother, hates him, and that he has to go on TV and say how sorry he is over and over again. But he doesn’t seem to grasp that, in the eyes of society, there is no lower form of life than those who brutalize the helpless (which, for our purposes here, we will define as the sick and the dying, old people, children and animals) — let alone those who electrocute, shoot, lynch or body slam the helpless into the ground until dead. Especially when the helpless that we are talking about are creatures that most people consider a member of the family.

Before you can ask forgiveness you need to understand why you are asking. Here’s a hint: ‘So I can get my pro football career back on track while I still have a few high-earning seasons left in me’ is NOT the right answer. Vick never said that, of course, but you could see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice. As displays of contrition go, we give him a B for reading the script his handlers gave him, but we give him an F when it comes to convincing us those words came from his heart. Michael Vick may one day be redeemed, at least in our eyes, but that day wasn’t today.

USA TODAY: Philadelphia Eagles spokesman Derek Boyko confirmed to USA TODAY via email that the team has signed the former Atlanta Falcons Pro Bowl Quarterback. ESPN is reporting that the Eagles have signed Vick to a two-year deal. Vick’s agent, Joel Segal, confirmed the signing to ESPN. Fox is reporting that the first year of the deal is worth $1.6 million. The Eagles have a team option for a second year at $5.2 million. MORE

RELATED: How Michael Vick Went Bankrupt

Amount jailed star quarterback Michael Vick spent from July ‘06 to July ‘08, according to recent bankruptcy papers: $17.7 million.

Amount of that time he was in prison: 8 months.

Total amount of checks he wrote his mother, Brenda Boddie—not counting all her bills he paid—even while in prison: $21,400.

Amount he donated to her church: $327,900.

Amount he gave her for an Easter egg hunt: $700.

Number of Reese’s Chocolate Easter Eggs that would buy: 5,259.

Amount of the check he wrote to Boddie labeled “chump change”: $1,000.

STICKER PRICE OF THE ‘07 INFINITI VICK KEEPS IN LEAVENWORTH FOR HIS FIANCÉE’s VISITS: $65,000

COST OF A CAB FROM THE KANSAS CITY AIRPORT TO THE PRISON: $60.

Amount Vick was sentenced to pay to house and care for the 47 pit bulls he and his buddies didn’t drown, strangle, hang, shoot, or electrocute for not winning fights: $928,073.

Average pay, per hour, of Vick’s pit bulls’ caregivers at the Best Friends Animal Sanctuary in Kanab, Utah: $14. MORE

SATIRE: Inky Names Michael Vick Pet Care Columnist

[via BRENDAN CALLING]

PHILADELPHIA — The publisher of The Philadelphia Inquirer is defending his decision to make former football player Michael Vick a regular columnist who will write about breeding and raising dogs.

Vick was the “the key figure” of an extensive unlawful interstate dogfighting ring operating over a period of five years that critics call cruelty to animals. One critic of the Inquirer’s Vick columns says it’s like having O.J. Simpson write about the criminal justice system.

Inquirer Publisher Brian Tierney says that’s a silly comparison. He says Simpson has been found liable for wrongful death of a human being and Vick had been through no such legal process.

As Tierney put it: “Speech that is most important to defend is the speech that you hate; it’s easy to defend the speech that you like.”

Editorial page editor Harold Jackson was quick to respond in a column:

Paris. Yes, the one in France.

That’s the farthest point from which The Inquirer received e-mails protesting our contract with Michael Vick to write a monthly column, which mostly centers on topics related to the care and raising of dogs, especially pit bulls.

EDITOR’S NOTE: When Brendan Skwire wrote the above satirical piece a few months ago, he was making the point that the Inquirer hiring Bush torture memo-writer John Yoo as an editorial page columnist made about much sense as the Inquirer hiring Michael Vick as a pet care columnist. Who’s laughing now?