SH*T MY UNCLE SAYS: Donald Trump M.D.

Trump Stern Sein Kampf


BY WILLIAM C. HENRY So, what’s with the “MD” post-nominal letters, you ask? Well, for all you non-college-educated, angry, white, laboring (or not), red state, Charlottesville torch-bearing Trumpeteers, the current POTUS true-life-inspired suffix stands for Moronic Degenerate. Believe me, I cogitated long and hard to come up with a concise yet altogether properly inclusive designation to attach to this lamentable piece of pulp SMUSfiction we so absurdly refer to as “Mr. President.” I mean, just how do you accurately condense such a noxious mix of imbecility, petulance, misogyny, prevarication, racism, bigotry, pandering, bullying, cheating, hypocrisy and hell-bent ambition to become the nation’s first completely inept/incompetent despot? Okay, I get it. Even given the obvious “the aforementioned identifiers speak for themselves” explanation, I suppose both aspects of said suffix could conceivably warrant at least a smidgen more info vis-a-vis the rationale behind their assignment. Here’s a smattering.

Caution: If you were expecting — or even hoping for — at least an element of “fairness” or “political correctness” from the author with respect to his assessment of Donnie J., stop reading this. I have ALWAYS treated the imbecilic, morally bankrupt Trump with the same degree of disrespect and degradation he heaps upon the American public with every word (read: lie) he utters. I have absolutely ZERO use or tolerance for the crybaby, Russia-colluding, con man/phony. I will belittle and deride him at every opportunity. The more disparaging I can be, the more energized I get. He may hold the title of Mr. President, but I, like nearly 66 million of my fellow countrymen, recognize that there is less than naught legitimacy to this barely veiled Nazi fascist. In fact, I’m not the least bit hesitant to say that I would delight in some unforeseen natural disaster befalling both Donnie and his equally disgusting little sycophantic suck-up sidekick, Mikey “turd nose” Pence. So, read on at your pleasure, peril or simple distaste.

Surely I’d be remiss if I didn’t get in a few serious digs right up front. Donald Trump isn’t cerebral, folks, he’s dumber than dog shit and more degenerate than the combined sins of a late 70’s Saturday night crowd at the Studio 54 discotheque. He’s a cold, non-calculating (he hasn’t the acumen to call the toss of a two-headed coin), discompassionate, spoiled brat narcissist, and — purely via the accident of conception, namely: daddy’s connections and financial largesse — a filthy rich man (with particular emphasis on the f word) without either of whose provisions he’d most assuredly have dropped out of school in tenth or eleventh grade and ended up waiting on table or busing dishes in some non-Duncan-Hines-recommended Bronx or Queens flop house, or barkering for the Tilt-A-Whirl or Freaks Show at Coney Island Amusement Park. On the other hand, it’s doubtful he’d have been able to pass an aptitude test for any of those positions. Incidentally, did I mention his FOUR bankruptcies, oppressive bulling tactics and stiffing of contractors and ordinary working folks that saved his dirtbag ass from financial ruin on more occasions than he can count up to?!

Okay, let’s talk a bit about the mental aspect, or rather Donnie’s perfectly obvious lack thereof. Better yet, why not allow his inherent stupidity to speak for itself. You and I both know that anyone who actually IS smart doesn’t need to keep reminding a reasonably smart audience how really smart he actually IS. Donnie does. Ad infinitum, in fact. His insecurity and self-doubt are so ingrained that he can’t help himself. In his defense, if he didn’t keep reminding you, it’s likely there are only 5 individuals (Ivanka, Donnie Jr., Tiffany, Eric and Barron) who could be counted on to do so (no doubt a clause in Melania’s pre-nup forces her to remain silent on any and all facets of the subject)! The fact that Donnie has steadfastly refused to allow the release of ANY of his academic records (high school included) is “enlightening” to say the least. Especially so his records from the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School of Finance (his word, not theirs). May I remind you that he does NOT have an MBA (as he SO MUCH wishes you’d believe). He holds solely an undergraduate Bachelors degree, having completed only 2 years at Fordham and 2 years at Wharton (keep in mind that no kid with an uber rich daddy has EVER been allowed to flunk out of Wharton, period).

Trump is a simpleton, literally. Any knowledge or understanding of the term “complexity” never entered his mind. Imagine this, Mr. and Mrs. America, your President doesn’t READ. And that little factoid isn’t speculation, folks, it comes straight from his very own lips. HE DOESN’T READ! Have you listened to any of his speeches?! Have you noticed the absence of any words containing more than two syllables when he talks?! That’s par for his dis-course (pardon the pun). Neither he nor his writers want to be further embarrassed by an inability to pronounce let alone comprehend multi-syllabic words! The speech writers want to be absolutely certain that he doesn’t later get questioned as to the meaning or implication of a particular word or phrase! Have you noticed that two of his favorite words are “great” and “loser.” The former he wishes he were, the latter he knows damn well he is!

Debauched? You betcha! Remember this parlance so proudly proffered? “And when you’re a star they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything.” Or, when there was “plenty of blame to go around on both sides” in Charlottesville. Or, perhaps the granddaddy of all the indecencies he ever devised. It was coined “birtherism” and needs to be remembered for all-time as one of the most disgraceful episodes in all of America’s racist history … political or otherwise. The perjuring piece of excrement aka “Donnie J., how may filthy lies did you tell today?” continued to promote the disgusting fable regarding the nation’s first black President’s place of birth for more than 5 years, and to this day has never found so much as the common decency to apologize for having done so. Which I guess is to be expected of the single most degenerate inhuman being to ever debase the planet.

I ask you, is there a lower rung on “the scumbag’s ladder of depravity” to which a New York multi-billionaire cretin President can slip to than being exposed for flat out lying, cheating and stealing with respect to his charitable undertakings?! How about stealing kids charitable cancer funds?! Truly, is there a more stomach-churning form of human dregs?! How about capitalizing on other people’s charitable giving by pretending their money was his own?! How about using a quarter million dollar$ of his charity’s funds to pay for business and personal fines, a painting of himself, and a myriad of other personal and business expenses?! How about claiming to have donated $102 million of his own money between 2009 to 2014 when in actuality he donated ZERO?! Forget the hypocrisy. Never mind the chutzpah and the gall. Set aside the deceit and the duplicity. But by all means feel free to pay special attention to the palpable stench and conspicuous slime!

So, if you’re into imbecility, petulance, misogyny, prevarication, racism, bigotry, pandering, bullying, cheating, hypocrisy and despotism, Donnie J. Trump, MD, is surely your man. If you’re into phoniness, fraud, divisiveness, and sedition, Donnie J. Trump, MD, is clearly your President. Meanwhile, allow me to proudly proclaim that he damn well isn’t mine. And in as much as he isn’t, I needn’t harbor so much as the pretense of a wish for his success, which, of course, I do not. Will Trump’s presidential evil triumph? Hopefully not. Hopefully his “base” and the Republican party as a whole will finally cleanse themselves of their repugnant ignorance, prejudice and parochialism … or, best case scenario, hopefully at some point in time — much sooner than later — all the aspirations and all the best instincts of all the good people of this great nation and its government will combine to act in a way that represents the best interests of ALL Americans because obviously and unfortunately George Carlin was a decade or so ahead of his time when he lamented: “In America, anyone can become President. That’s the problem.”

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Fed up early stage septuagenarian who has actually been most of there and done most of that. Born and raised in the picturesque Pocono Mountains. Quite well educated. Very lucky to have been born into a well-schooled and somewhat prosperous family. Long divorced. One beautiful, brilliant daughter. Two far above average grandsons. Semi-retired (how does anyone manage to do it completely these days?) and fully-tired of bullshit. Uncle of the Editor-In-Chief.