SH*T MY UNCLE SAYS: Swamp Creatures 2



Theodore-RooseveltBY WILLIAM C. HENRY Even with seventy-some years of suspicion, skepticism and mistrust, I never imagined that at some point I would feel compelled to opine a President-elect of this great nation of ours as being an innately ignorant, silver-spooned, immature, thin-skinned, spiteful, deceitful, xenophobic, misogynistic, money-grubbing, two-faced, lying piece of shit. But sadly that time has come. How and why do I unapologetically loathe this President-elect and soon-to-be Presidential disaster so? Allow me to present seven unassailable examples of the kind of excremental rigid-middle-finger-to-character-principle-ethics-morality-intelligence-and-the-best-interests-of-all-but-the-top-two-percent behavior that really should come as no surprise whatsoever to those willing to be truly honest and accepting about the baseness and inanity of the source. Said examples are: Scott Pruitt, Stephen Bannon, Michael Flynn, Andrew Puzder, Rex Tillerson, Rick Perry and David Friedman.

swampthingpostbigSCOTT PRUITT, EPA CHIEF: Hard as it may be to believe, Scott Pruitt, Trump unconscionable pick for Environmental PROTECTION Agency administrator is a climate science DENIER! That’s right, folks. Unlike 97% of the world’s (both “free” and otherwise) premier climate scientists, Pruitt, in his inimitable ignorance — and recognizing that storage tanks full of campaign contributory “fuel” could be at stake — long ago decided to cast his nescience with the other 3%. So, using Scotty as his drill and shovel, an ignorant and spiteful President-elect hasn’t just inserted a stiff middle finger, he’s shoved his entire fist and forearm up the ass of the entire American populace, both the now living and the yet to become so! And, on top of that, Pruitt is proven to be a total toady shill, a boot licking lackey, a fawning lapdog, an ingratiating ass-kisser, an obsequious pawn, an eager accomplice/co-conspirator, and an owned-lock-stock-and-two-smoking-barrels by, for, to, and of the fossil fuel industry in its ongoing determination to partake in — and profit obscenely from — the destruction of the planet and its atmosphere as well as the death and/or defiling of every living thing thereon! How do you like him now?!

swamp_thing_by_adam_brown-d63oqvnSTEVE BANNON, CHIEF STRATEGIST : Introducing Stevie “The Hater” Bannon aka tRUMP’S “senior strategist.” Ordinarily this appointment might be considered little else than “evil for dramatic effect” except for the fact that the Illegitimate President-elect thinks highly enough of this bigoted, misogynistic, racist to deem his “advisory” status — and Presidential ACCESS — slightly above equal with that of his Chief of Staff, Reince Priebus. Did I mention that: a) Bannon is a former “filched a mega-fortune” partner in Goldman Sachs, b) he’s a former President of the Breitbart “If-it-has-a-bigoted-racist-misogynistic-or-just-plain-outragiously-biased-twist-or-bent-to-it-we’ll-definitely-review-reprint-amplify-expound-upon-and/or-endorse-it” News? organization and, c) he’s also the producer of numerous right wing propaganda films, one of which, “The Undefeated,” is a glowing endorsement of Sarah Palin’s political career, and another, “Battle For America,” strives to ennoble the Tea Party and its political philosophy. In fact, he’s been called the Leni Riefenstahl of the Tea Party. Just a reminder, Leni Riefenstahl was a Nazi propagandist.

swamp_monster_beauty_bustMICHAEL FLYNN, NATION SECURITY ADVISOR: The fact that a man who Trump appointed National Security Advisor has been taken in by — and perpetuated — FAKE news isn’t just jaw-dropping, it’s absolutely astonishing! Add to it that Flynn’s grown son who was acting in an advisory capacity to his father, and for whom a security clearance request had reportedly been submitted, remains a devoted conspiracy theorist whose own perpetuation of a faked news story lead to open gunfire inside a Washington pizza parlor, and you end up with (with sincere apologies to the Bard) proof of “a dullard President-elect’s harebrained appointment process strutting and fretting its hours upon the stage, an exercise the horrendous results of which will be suffered for years to come: it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound, fury — and utter incompetence — signifying the worst fears and electoral errors of a nation having come to pass.” Any questions?

swamp-creature_fullANDREW PUZDER, SECRETARY OF LABOR: The really rotten news here is the job this total anti-worker has been appointed to fulfill: Secretary of Labor! Actually, if you already knew anything about our despicable President-elect, this appointment came as no surprise to you whatsoever. I mean, hell, why wouldn’t a two-faced, phony, illegitimate, mouthful of soup silver, want to shove his pick for “protector” of America’s labor force, you know, the folks who actually have to work eight-plus hour days to keep their families fed, sheltered and clothed, right down their overworked, underpaid gullets?! Why not?! Hell, it’s his modus operandi! Why wouldn’t he appoint a man who, a) wants the minimum wage to remain at current levels, b) wants to replace minimum wage earning Americans with machines, and c) hates overtime pay and paid sick leave?! What Puzder really IS is a very, very wealthy businessman (who just happens to employ mostly minimum wage earners) and mega contributor to the Trump presidential campaign. But I’m betting you already guessed that, right?

marks-creature-from-the-black-lagoon-david-shumateREX TILLERSON, SECRETARY OF STATE: Hell, with a throat and lung despoiler like Pruitt already hired full-time, it only makes sense that Trump would install a billionaire fossil fuel buccaneer at the State Department wellhead. Folks, Rex Tillerson doesn’t just “represent” the fossil fuel industry, he IS the fossil fuel industry! For the past 40 years Tillerson has been the world’s number one fossil fuel advocate and profiteer. And it isn’t just the fact that his having long been buddy buddy with some of the world’s premier butchers (especially the one residing in Moscow) ought to be an indictable offense, it’s that he’s been ready, willing and able to be such just to make his and Exxon Mobil’s uber wealthy asses that much more flatulent! Incidentally, is it any wonder that his favorite author and political philosopher is Ayn Rand! So, let the rush to drench the planet in more carbon emissions, C.O.P.D., Black Lung, smog and oil spills begin! I beg your pardon, apparently Trump’s efforts to make Foggy Bottom a nationwide reality are already underway!

bd22df3f826409de4b810f5914065089RICK PERRY, SECRETARY OF OOPS : Perhaps the most important thing to keep in mind about Trump’s pick to head up the Department of Energy is that when running for President, Perry stated publicly during a Presidential debate that Energy was one of the three federal departments he would abolish immediately upon assuming the Presidency — except that he couldn’t for the life of him not once, not twice, not even three times remember its name (the others were Education and Commerce)! Surely that gives you an inkling as to his competence — or enthusiasm — for holding the position. Perry gets the least press here simply because he deserves it!

mr-nicolo_swamp-monster_10181-1200x675-b-p-009356DAVID FRIEDMAN, AMBASSADOR TO ISRAEL: Since we already know that Trump is a bigot and a racist, it probably should come as no surprise that he’d appoint a dedicated anti-Palestinian bigot as ambassador to Israel. I mean, what can you say about appointing a man, a) whose entire being has been dedicated to securing a ONE state solution to the Israeli/Palestinian crisis, b) wants to see the Jewish capitol moved to Jerusalem, c) thinks Israel should permanently annex all illegal Jewish settlements in the West Bank. In reality David Friedman is Trump’s in-bankruptcy-I’ll-always-stand-by-you good buddy and personal financial advisor (he’s his official bankruptcy attorney), and if he were any farther to the right with respect to Israel’s deplorable interests, he’d be openly advocating Palestinian genocide. On a scale of 1 to 10 where “utter disgust” ranks a solid 10, this appointment garners an 11.5. Did I mention that the guy has ZERO foreign service experience?! Duh!

And all of this has been evacuated upon the American public by a TOTALLY unqualified, unprepared, impetuous, unread/uninformed, childishly defensive, unmitigated idiot sociopath, a slithering reptile that said he was going to “drain the swamp” and put the American worker “first”! In truth he was hell bent on populating said swamp with some of the slimiest creatures ever to warm their blood in the sun on cypress stumps — and making sure that no Goldman Sachs billionaire got left behind! Trump is nothing more than a con artist and would-be tyrant who will have gained the Presidency ILLEGITIMATELY! He did not WIN the election! He LOST the election by nearly 3 MILLION votes! He will be taking the oath of office simply because under our Presidential election system, democracy stops at the front door of the White House. Period! You want to think of him as your “President”? Be my guest. I happen to know better, and so should you, and so should all those who helped raise up this traitorously bankrupt American fraud!

Post Script: It has now been confirmed by EVERY bonafide intelligence gathering organization in the country that the Russian government (read: Vladimir Putin), through computer hacking and publication of the information hacked, “influenced” the outcome of the Presidential election. The moron aka Donald Trump has dismissed the results of the investigations as “foolishness.” May God have mercy on the United States of America.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Fed up early stage septuagenarian who has actually been most of there and done most of that. Born and raised in the picturesque Pocono Mountains. Quite well educated. Very lucky to have been born into a well-schooled and somewhat prosperous family. Long divorced. One beautiful, brilliant daughter. Two far above average grandsons. Semi-retired (how does anyone manage to do it completely these days?) and fully-tired of bullshit. Uncle of the Editor-In-Chief.