‘Every Time Donald Trump Speaks, An Angel Dies’


Illustration by VICTOR JUHASZ

Charlie-head-shotBY CHARLIE C. Yoo hoo. This is Charlie C., and I am currently live-blogging the Republican debate. The Grand Old Party. Alright, so tune in as I give my political thoughts and opinions on mostly Trump’s hair.

8:04- I’m waiting…. I didn’t sit on my couch to watch Reince Priebus ramble on and on about whatever the heck he rambles on about. What kind of name is Reince anyways?

8:08- I find it humorous to hear people say the name ‘Rand Paul.’ There is just something in the name that makes me laugh.

8:10- Did you hear about that time when Chris Christie ate flour and crapped pancakes?

8:12- And then there was a Trump. His hair seems like a light to a fly. I mean, I hate it and wish cnbcgopdebateI could look away, but my eyes are in that state of disbelief and it is like a magnet and I can’t look away. I wish my dad had hair like that.

8:14- Politics, to me, is a compilation of names like Reince Priebus and bad hair.

8:16- Chris Christie looks like he is hungry for a win tonight. Get it? Hungry? Because he is fat?

8:17- What is the point with people like John Kasich even talking when we are all just waiting for what trash Trump has to say?

8:20- Anyone else notice the size of Marco Rubio’s ears?

8:21- I bet you Trump smells like vinegar.

8:23- Christie, if you can barely handle running a small state such as New Jersey I doubt you’ll have a chance running our country.

8:24- Yes Mr. Trump, what do you have to say about Mexicans today?

8:26- Every time Trump talks, an angel dies.

8:27- I presume this will be the only time I ever watch CNBC.

8:29- Yeah, yeah, yeah, John Kasich, stop talking so we can hear what Trump or Carson has to say cnbcgopdebateabout this.

8:30- John Kasich makes sense, that is why he doesn’t stand a chance.

8:33- Where does Ted Cruz get his ears sharpened?

8:36- Everytime Rubio lies his ears grow. They are about 4 feet long now.

8:40- Trump would make as much sense as he is now if he had his own arse in his mouth.

8:42- Where did Chris Christie go? Lunch break?

8:43- The saddening element of this whole thing is that I was aware of about 5 of the politicians here tonight.

8:46- I feel sorry for the people in the audience.

8:48- I have a feeling Rand Paul stole my mom’s curlers

8:49- We haven’t heard from Trump in minutes… I’m worried that he might talk again…

8:50- I find it fun to watch Christie wave his sausage fingers around.

8:54- Ted Cruz is 44? I think we were just lied to, folks.cnbcgopdebate

8:56- Thank god! A commercial break!

8:59- And here we are again, listening to Trump’s drunken ramblings.

9:04- I bet Christie has the Domino’s pizza app

9:05- I tried, folks. I tried. BUT THIS IS BORING!!! I have been listening to people I couldn’t care less about rant and vent about our country for at least an hour now. I am done. GOODNIGHT!!!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Like any normal 10 year old kid from Haddon Heights, Charlie C. goes to school, loves his dog, likes Minecraft and leaves a mess wherever he goes. Which is why we hired Charlie as a columnist to provide Phawker with some much-needed perspective on the world through the eyes of a 10-year-old. You can check out his blog THE UNIVERSE ACCORDING TO CHARLIE.