SH*T MY UNCLE SAYS: Uncommon Sense


BY WILLIAM C. HENRY It’s official. She’s running, and she says she’s going to bring “the voice of common sense” to the White House (a revelation that no doubt brought an even more deeply furrowed brow to the faces of those still trying to figure out which planet she commutes from). Recognizing Miss Sensible’s all-too-self-effacing nature, I think it’s only fitting that I cite a few past examples of Michele’s “common sense” utterings so that those who may be unfamiliar with these quasi-cum-laudables might join in appreciation of the intellectual depth and derring-do exhibited by this nimble-minded master of malapropism. To wit:

COMMON SENSE SEX EDUCATION: “And what a bizarre time we’re in, when a judge will say to little children that you can’t say the pledge of allegiance, but you must learn that homosexuality is normal and you should try it.”

COMMON SENSE MCCARTHYISM: “I wish the American media would take a great look at the views of the people in Congress and find out: Are they pro-America or anti-America?”

ShitMyUncleSays-FINAL_1.jpgCOMMON SENSE SCIENCE: “There are hundreds and hundreds of scientists, many of them holding Nobel Prizes, who believe in intelligent design.”

COMMON SENSE CAUSATION: “I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970’s that the swine flu broke out then under another Democrat president Jimmy Carter. And I’m not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it’s an interesting coincidence.”

COMMON SENSE PRIORITIES:¬† “Gay marriage is probably the biggest issue that will impact our state and our nation in the last, at least, thirty years. I am not understanding that.”

COMMON SENSE HISTORY: “What I love about New Hampshire and what we have in common is our extreme love for liberty. You’re the state where the shot was heard around the world in Lexington and Concord.”

COMMON SENSE CONSTITUTIONALITY: “But we also know that the very founders that wrote those documents worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States.”

COMMON SENSE COST ACCOUNTING:¬† “The President of the United States will be taking a trip over to India that is expected to cost the taxpayers $200 million a day.”

COMMON SENSE FAMILY PLANNING: “Does that mean that someone’s 13-year-old daughter could walk into a sex clinic, have a pregnancy test done, be taken away to the local Planned Parenthood abortion clinic, have their abortion, be back and go home on the school bus? That night mom and dad are never the wiser.”

COMMON SENSE JOB CREATION:“If we took away the minimum wage–if conceivably it were gone–we could potentially virtually wipe out unemployment completely because we would be able to offer jobs at whatever level.”

COMMON SENSE CURIOSITY:“I just take the Bible for what it is, I guess, and recognize that I am not a scientist. I’m not a deep thinker on all of this. I wish I was. I wish I was more knowledgeable, but I’m not a scientist.”

COMMON SENSE GOVERNMENT: “Federal law forms a new governance structure that opposes both free enterprise and representative government…A new national curriculum is used that embraces a socialist, globalist worldview; loyalty to all government and not America.”

You can’t make this stuff up, folks. I kid you not. There’s no shell game here, my friends, no ripping quotes out of context. What you see is what you’d get. Unmitigated ignorance, intolerance, and bigotry. I keep asking myself, is it at all possible, under ANY circumstances, that America would even consider installing such a notoriously narrow-minded numbskull at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue?! But then I’m water-boarded back to reality with the realization that this is the country that elected the likes of George “Dubya” Bush to manage its affairs — not just once, but twice.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Fed up early stage septuagenarian who has actually been most of there and done most of that. Born and raised in the picturesque Pocono Mountains. Quite well educated. Very lucky to have been born into a well-schooled and somewhat prosperous family. Long divorced. One beautiful, brilliant daughter. Two far above average grandsons. Semi-retired (how does anyone manage to do it completely these days?) and fully-tired of bullshit. Uncle of the Editor-In-Chief.

1,621 = The number of Americans killed in action in Afghanistan
11,191 = The number of Americans  wounded in Afghanistan.
0 = To date the number of financial industry kingpins indicted for having committed the most massive FRAUD in American history.

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