THE MAN WHO WASN’T THERE: Captain Janks Will NOT Be Getting You High Tonight (Or Tomorrow)


DAN GROSS: North Wales’ Tom Cipriano, better known to fans of Howard Stern as Capt. Janks spent the weekend in jail. He was arrested Thursday by Plymouth Township Police for allegedly taking a deposit of $350 in December from the Old Mansion House in Conshohocken to host an event there in March for which he never appeared, according to Detective-Sergeant Karen Mabry of Plymouth Township. The prank phone caller is also alleged to have taken a $350 deposit from the Edge Hill Tavern in Glenside in December for an appearance Feb. 22, which he did not show up for, according to Cheltenham Police Lt. Joseph Gruver. Cipriano was also jailed in February for a similar nightclub scam in New Jersey. Cipriano has not yet posted $2,500 bail and remains locked up at the Montgomery County Correctional Facility since Thursday. Last week Cipriano was also charged in another club scam in Bucks County. MORE

PREVIOUSLY: It’s another TGI Friday night at Brady’s Irish Pub, a colorless suburban rock club tucked away in a Bensalem strip mall. The party animals have been let out of their cages. The beer taps kick into overdrive. A cover band blares yeoman versions of yellowing alt-metal hits from the ’90s by Stone Temple Pilots and Metallica. Brady’s is the kind of place where a backward ball cap is still considered au courant. A 30ish bottle blond wiggles by saucily, precariously balanced on a pair of eff-me pumps, her prodigious bosom tightly ensconced in a canary-yellow wife-beater emblazoned with the words “YOU WISH.” A mullet-headed man walks by, his meaty arms sprouting from a sleeveless T-shirt bearing the noble message “SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL HOOKERS.”

stern-pw-cover.jpgIt’s here, of all places, that a small guerrilla action in the ongoing ground war over the First Amendment is being waged. Tom Cipriano — the fireplug-sized phony phone caller better known to Howard Stern listeners as Captain Janks — is hosting the indelicately titled Fuck the FCC Freedom Rally to drum up support for the embattled shock jock. Howard’s in trouble. As he reminds his listeners daily, his show, heard locally on WYSP (94.1 FM), is in imminent danger of being fined off the airwaves. And the good folks on hand tonight at Brady’s Irish Pub are answering the call by standing up for the First Amendment while getting their drunk on. […]

Cipriano — who first made a name for himself by tormenting John DeBella on Stern’s behalf and who today bluffs his way onto Fox, CNN or CBS News with Dan Rather by passing himself off as an emergency official or an eyewitness to some breaking news story before yelling some variation on Baba-booey! — takes over the microphone. “The only way to stop this is to vote Bush out!” he implores the crowd, before leading them in the obligatory chant of “Fuck the FCC!” MORE

BILLY JOEL: Captain Jack

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