DEAR DOCTOR DEAN: This Is Getting Old, Fast



Dear Doctor Dean,

You and I go way back to Iowa 2002. Hell, I had a front row seat for The Scream, and then watched in slack-jawed horror as the media sliced you into a sound byte and fed you into the echo chamber and turned you into the Incredible Hulk. I am starting to get that bad feeling again, which is why I am writing to ask you a small favor: Make it stop. Who’s brilliant idea was it to park the campaign in PA for five weeks? That’s like parking Katrina over New Orleans for five weeks! We could have finished out thehoward-dean-explodes.jpg primaries in those five weeks, and had we done that the nominee would confronting John McCain’s weasel words head-on, instead of this sleazy menage a trois in which we currently find ourselves entangled. So, heckuva job on that, Brownie. How long until the candidates are giving away free fill-ups in exchange for your vote? Oh, right, they are already doing that. Can’t we just have the Supreme Court install Obama in the White House and get on with it already? Hillary can be head of ATF. And John McCain can take a much-needed 100-year vacation in Sunni Triangle. I hear it’s a lot like Arizona, but louder and with more death. Just a thought.

your old pal,

Jonathan Valania

pinkfloyd-animals.jpgSOMEWHAT RELATED: Organizers for the Coachella music festival announced that the gigantic blowup swine, released into the night sky during Roger Waters’ headlining set Sunday, was still out there _ and they want it back. The festival is offering a $10,000 reward plus four Coachella tickets for life for the safe return of the pig, according to spokeswoman Marcee Rondan. As tall as a two-story house and as wide as two school buses, the pig was led from lines held on the ground Sunday as Waters played a version of Pink Floyd’s “Pigs” from the 1977 album “Animals.” Then it just floated away. “It wasn’t really supposed to happen that way. I don’t have the details,” Rondan told The Associated Press. The pig displays the words “Don’t be led to the slaughter” and a cartoon of Uncle Sam holding two bloody cleavers. The other side reads “Fear builds walls” and the underside reads “Obama” with a checked ballot box for U.S. Democratic presidential hopeful Barack Obama. Waters, who told the crowd “that’s my pig” as it drifted off into the night, closed out the three-day festival. “People are putting search teams together to find this pig,” Rondan said. “But it may float in the night sky, never to be seen again.” MORE

WORTH REPEATING: Roger Waters, Wachovia Center, June 4th 2007


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