1. I can’t prove this, but I am pretty sure he doesn’t have anywhere near 99 problems. I would be surprised if he has more than four or five problems. And in all likelihood, they are of the broken shoelace variety.
2. To the best of my knowledge, he has not made a false move in his life. Even when he was dealing drugs, he played the game, the game didn’t play him.
3. Exhibit A would be the fact that he, like, gets to bang Beyonce every night.
4. No matter what happens next, he will be remembered as quite possibly the greatest MC the game ever produced. He is the Scorsese of gangsta-rap. Everyone else is just Brian De Palma.
5. Beanie Sigel made a cameo on “Where Have You Been,” if memory serves. You ever listen to that song? It’s a fucking heavy song, man. Explains a lot. Or was it “Stick To The Script“? That’s the one that goes: “Money over bitches, nigger stick to the script.” Which sounds pretty damn harsh when you pull it out of context, like I just did, but again: That’s a mothefucking heavy song, man. Otherwise, though, I have to agree with Steve Volk on this: Beanie moves on stage like an “overloaded washing machine.” It occurred to me that fat guys will always find work in rap, but the same can’t be said for fat girls, unless you call bending over the hoods of cars work. Not that there’s anything wrong with it.
6. Did I mention he bangs Beyonce? Sweet Jesus, can you imagine what that’s like?
7. “Ain’t no love in the heart of the city” goes the soul sister refrain from the song of the same name. But that wasn’t true last night. There was a lot of love in the room. Your people love you, Jiggaman, and I think, deep down, you love them, too.
8. “You know if you are here tonight you have gotten somewhere in the world,” said the great and powerful HOVA in reference to the scant 1,000 or so tix that went in a blink of an eye at $120 a pop. Orchestra seats for tonight’s show at the Apollo are going for $1,600 on TicketTriangle.com
9. So then he’s like, ‘I hear this is this City of Brotherly Love!’, and then he says ‘Is it the City of Sisterly Love, too?’ which is damn good question come to think of it. “I’m gonna find out,” he said, vowing to answer his own question. I hope he finds what he’s looking for.
10. At one point he locked eyes on one of the ladies in the crowd. “I like your bounce, baby. Time to go back to Hamburger Helper, baby, your choice.” Suave. Fucking suave.
PHOTOS & TEXT BY JONATHAN VALANIA
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