BY AMY Z. QUINN We know how it is: so many words to read, so little time to surf for free porn. That’s why every week, PAPERBOY does your alt-weekly reading for you, freeing up valuable nanoseconds that can now be better spent ‘roughing up the suspect’ over at Suicide Girls or what have you. Every Thursday we pore over those time-consuming cover stories and give you the takeaway, suss out the cover art, warn you off the ink-wasters and steer you towards the gooey caramel center of each edition. Why? Because we like you.
ON THE COVER
CITY PAPER: Annual CP Choice Awards cover involves extended casino metaphor, nice logo, cutesy list of writers involved under the title “Gaming Commission,” includes phrases like “bub,” “chop joint” — by which they mean places to eat, not get a haircut — and something about a white-hot devil shaking his fist. (Wait, how did Valania work his way into this story?) For a second I thought I’d misfired and landed on the Fedora Lounge, but no, it’s just Duane getting all Turner Classic Movies on us again.
Choicest of the Choice? Well, we especially liked the shoutout to Lady B, under Longest Comeback We All Saw Coming, though we’re not sure if the ability to walk into Castle Roxx and see the Spin Doctors playing live is actually, you know, a good thing. We’ll be at Spanky’s instead. And damn you for mentioning Corropolese — there’s no way I’m gonna make it through the weekend without a drive out to East Norriton now. Hint: Try the white pie with the sweet pepper strips on it. Madonna! Also, the item on it includes the best sentence in the whole issue this week:
Tomato pies are the strippers of the food world: They’re usually ordered for special occasions, and everyone tends to get a little too excited around them. But you’ve got good reason to freak if you ordered from Corropolese Bakery & Deli.
PHILADELPHIA WEEKLY: DMac scores the cover with a feature profile on Steve Unpronouncablelastname, aka the guy who dresses up like Andy Reid and goes to the Linc, where he is peppered with questions about his “son’s” heroin problem and for whatever bad trade the team made most recently. He’s sort of the Philly equivalent to Fireman Ed, the New York Jets fan who’s become somewhat a kind of folk hero up at the Meadowlands. Only, you know, times 50:
When Odabashian enters the stadium dressed as Andy Reid, he sings with the ubiquitous local cover band Mr. Greengenes, which sets up just inside the stadium. Search YouTube, and you’ll see a video of Odabashian thrashing around onstage with them, singing.
The fan favorite is a modified version of “Should I Stay or Should I Go?” with the lyrics “Should I Run or Should I Throw?”
But lest you think our not-quite-Andy Reid is a one-trick pony, be assured: Odabashaian is well-rounded, and we’re not just talking about the shape of his dome, either:
After almost four years is Odabashian tired of playing Andy Reid? “A little bit,” he says. “And I’m sure some other people are tired of me too. But being Andy Reid has certainly opened a lot of doors.”
He’s been a lawyer, an options trader, a piano player, a standup comedian, a standardized-test teacher and, of course, Andy Reid. There’s really not much else to do, right?
Wait. Just the other day he was on the radio discussing the Armenian genocide resolution. It seems he may be able to do anything. He may even let the Eagles run the ball.
INSIDE THE BOOK:
PW: The Daily Pennsylvanian digs its heels in on the story over the abrupt resignation of Penn’s dean of admissions; Sarah Silverman gives an email interview shockingly free of abortion jokes; CP catches on to the ManSpace trend.
WINNER: PW, for not calling us “bub”