HOLLA: GUNS! WEED! COPS! Say It Ain’t So, SNOOP!

THE WOOK REPORTS: Wait a second – am I to discern from yesterday’s news that Snoop Dogg’s an unrepentent and heavily-armed stoner? Exactly. That incredulous, “how far outside of the pop cultural beltway do you hover, Wook” sentiment is exactly how the LAPD must feel every time they have to do some limpin’ to the pimpin’,snooop-rs.jpg whether it be at LAX or outside the NBC Studios. The fact is that after a decade of extoling the virtues of the sticky icky icky clear across the commercial landscape – be it music, film, porn or kids books – “Snoop as stoner” is an accepted American institution, on par with “Kennedy as liberal” and “Paris as whore”. If an iniatitive was placed on the California ballot to legalize marijuana within five feet of the dude, it would pass overwhelmingly. Hell, the new issue of Rolling Stone is adorned with a practical campaign ad, positioning Santa Snoop as the cuddly, holiday-ready bad boy against societies true ills – the “SUPER-RICH” and “MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE”.

Wait, what’s this about cocaine, a gun, and hidden compartments?More... Oh, michaelricha’ please. Has Johnny Law learned nothing from America’s love affair with the Duke boys? Look past the obvious difference in skin tone and choice of wheels, and you still got a “good ole boy, never meaning no harm,” pursued by a negligable law enforcement entity that seems all the sillier for the rationale behind bringing the strong arm down. Speeding, doing acrobatic car leaps over drained ditches, moonshine, hot white women, weed, cocaine, guns – it’s all the same, filed under “things Americans love.” Hell, even Roscoe P. Coltrane had a fondness for dawgs! Remember Flash?

Ease back, Snoop. Someday in the not too distant future, the Oliver Stone of Generation Y will undoubtedly put two and two together and birth a cinematic opus to America’s bogus Drug War that’ll use your life and times as a pertinent backbone, for never has there been artist whose first accepted public utterance was a fitting byline for the biography that would unspool.

“There’s so much drama in the LBC, it’s kinda hard being Snoop D-O-double-G.”
I hear ya, brother. Now, more than ever.

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